Rebuilding the Puzzle
by Passionate Cec
Summary: Major Sam Carter has been gone for eighteen months when they finally find her and bring her back home. And the instant Jack sees her, he suspects they will never see her again. Read the warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

Hello there. :)

The style is very different from what I usually write but Di-Bee says it's perfect and that it touched her more than anything else I've ever written. I tend to trust her judgment so there you have it. I wrote and finished it in about a day. It's more or less 10,000 words long and 20 (short) chapters which I will try and post regularly.

And this fic is not your happy Sunday stroll through the park.

**Warnings:** whump, violence, physical and psychological torture, mention of possible suicidal thoughts…

Stargate SG-1 and its characters don't belong to me. No copyright infringement intended.

I hope you will like the fic. Let me know what you think; I'd love to know how this story makes you feel because the feedback I have received so far has been extreme (in a good way) and I'd love to receive more. :)

Enjoy. :)

**Rebuilding the Puzzle**

Major Sam Carter has been gone for eighteen months when they finally find her and bring her back home. And the instant Jack sees her, he suspects they will never see her again. The strong woman they knew is gone and he knows the road to recovery will be long. He silently prepares himself for the honourable discharge she will eventually receive because he doesn't think she will ever be cleared by a psychologist. He mentally slaps and kicks himself for thinking that before they have even reached the Stargate.

She's wearing Teal'c's spare t-shirt and his jacket. He is the tallest of them and it's the best way they've found to cover her as much as possible. Her legs are long, skinny and naked, her bare feet only making her look more fragile. They have offered to carry her to the gate but she shook her head and stepped away from them, clearly showing her intent to walk on her own, despite not having shoes.

There are bruises, scratches and nasty scars on her legs and he has seen quite a few on the rest of her body. He's pretty sure her left arm is broken along with a few of her ribs and he thinks the deep stab wound in her right shoulder is infected but she wouldn't let them check and they don't have time to make her sit and check her injuries. If he's right about what happened during the past year and a half, she will need a thorough check up which Dr. Frasier will give her as soon as they get back.

He looks over at her and his heart clenches. She hasn't said a single word, hasn't made a single sound since they found her. She smiled when she first saw them and she seems to touch them as often as possible though she jumps and tenses every time they touch her without warning. He doesn't need to ask to know what has happened to her. He recognizes the emptiness in her eyes. He recognizes the way her shoulders are slumped in defeat despite the millisecond of hope that flickered in her eyes when they first found her.

He recognizes it because he saw it when he first came back from his four months as a POW in Iraq. He doesn't need to ask to know she has been tortured and the fact that she hasn't spoken worries him more than anything. Because he knows that the worst thing that could have been done to her is psychological torture.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks a lot for all the very sweet reviews. They made me very happy and I'm really glad to see you got hooked so quickly. I have to admit that so many saying that surprised me a bit at first but now I'm just glad you like this story.

And to thank you, I have decided to post the second chapter right away (more or less.) And here it is. :)

Keep the lovely reviews coming and let me know if you like this. :D

Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 2**

It turns out Jack is right. Sam doesn't need sedation. She passes out the instant she is flat on an infirmary bed. Janet has to put in a central line because Sam is so skinny and dehydrated she is hard put to find a vein in her arm. She immediately hangs a saline bag and sedates Sam because she is suffering from severe cases of exhaustion, dehydration along with being underweight. The SG-1 men wait in the corridor while she checks Sam out and runs every test known to man.

She ends up briefing them at the same time as General Hammond because she doesn't want to have to repeat herself. As she gives account of her findings, they all pale and Jack feels sick to his stomach. He wants to stand up, run to the infirmary and hold Sam. He wants to stand up, run to the gym and punch the boxing bag until his knuckles are bloody and broken. He does neither. He doesn't move and, for once in his life, pays attention during a briefing.

He listens as Dr. Frasier details Sam's injuries, old and recent. She talks about Sam's broken arm and the other broken bones that have healed on their own. Janet declares it nothing short of a miracle that none of the broken bones needed surgery and mentions the fact that Sam probably had to set her own bones at which point Daniel stands up and throws up in the nearest trash can. She confirms and stresses how much pain Carter must have been in though the naquadah in her blood probably helped her a little bit. She mentions the numerous stab wounds, deep gashes that should have been stitched, the various scars which will never disappear because the injuries were not treated in the first place.

And, finally, when Daniel asks, she states that Sam has still not made a single sound, much less spoken. Jack doesn't ask. He wants to see her but, by then, he is pretty sure he knows what has been done to her. He's seen it before in men twice Carter's size, with twice her experience and who had been saved much quicker. It was never pretty. She is the strongest person he knows but if his suspicions are confirmed, he knows she will not be the woman they know. If they have done that to her, he knows they might never see Major Sam Carter again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

They don't understand what was done to her and he watches her slowly pull away from them. Not that she doesn't want to be home. He is certain she is happier than anything to be back, but the questions, the looks, the worry, the hovering, the attempts at comfort are weighing her down, making her feel worse than she is already feeling.

He manages to slip into the infirmary alone and finds her sleeping. Gently, he wakes her up, because he needs to talk to her and he needs her to know that he understands and that she is not alone. He is careful to softly repeat her name several times before touching her because all good torture comes with sleep deprivation and she is no exception. But beyond that, she gets tense and jumpy whenever someone touches her without warning. She stirs and he carefully touches her shoulder. She turns sleepy eyes on him. He sees the confusion cross her features and waits for her to be a bit more awake and focused.

'Carter, stop me if I'm wrong even though I'm pretty sure I'm right.' He starts. She frowns and nods. 'There's no way to beat around the bush so forgive me but I'm going to be blunt.' The frown deepens but she nods again. 'You've been tortured into silence, haven't you?'

Her reaction is enough of an answer. Her jaw drops and she would have let out a strangled gasp if that weren't exactly what she can't do. She pales dramatically and her eyes widen. He is prepared for this and anticipates her questions. He hasn't come to confirm his suspicion. He has come to comfort her and that is what he will do. Or, at least, what he will try to do.

'It's okay, Carter,' he says, when he sees her start to panic. His hand hovers over hers and he watches her eyes go back and forth between his and their hands. When she calms down a bit, he lets his hand drop gently to hers and gives it a warm squeeze. 'I'm not going to ask you to talk or anything. I had buddies who were POW for a while and who returned just like you. So I'm just saying that I'm here and I understand... well, no, I don't understand what happened but I understand what they did, how they did it and I understand that it's not your fault and that you can't do anything about it.'

She nods again, more energetically this time and her eyes are set on his. There is so much pain and relief in her eyes. He doesn't understand how such conflicting emotions can be shown so powerfully at once and it's somewhat overwhelming though he is happy to see them and is glad to know his words have helped. He gives her a small and comforting smile to which she responds.

'I don't think anyone else understands,' he continues. 'Would you like me to tell them? To explain what happened. I don't know the details but I know the process and I can tell them about that.' There are tears filling up her eyes and one slips down each cheek. She nods once more and turns her hand to squeeze his. 'Okay. I'll tell them. I didn't think that was something you would want to explain by writing it. But yeah, the main reason I came is to tell you that I'm here. If you ever need to talk or write or if you need a shoulder or a hand or a hug or something. I'm here.'

Her hand gently tugs at his and she pulls him into a tight hug. He's careful not to hold her too tight because of her ribs and her shoulder and the other various injuries which he doesn't want to think about. Her casted forearm rests on his lower back while her right arm is tight around his neck, holding him close. He can feel her shaking and knows she is sobbing. It wrenches his heart to know she is sobbing in silence. It wrenches his heart that this is what they have made of her. He holds her close as she cries her heart out in his arms. He thinks crying probably helps her but it's no less painful and he knows it's exhausting for her. That's confirmed when he rests her sleeping form back against the pillows.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

He doesn't want his explanation to be clinical and impersonal but that's what it ends up being because he doesn't think he has the strength to explain it to every concerned party separately. So he gathers Hammond, McKenzie, Frasier, Daniel and Teal'c.

And he explains.

He tells them about how they broke her. They – the bastards whose names he doesn't ever want to hear again and which he doesn't even dare think – made her scream and moan and groan in pain. And he makes a point of reminding them that he has worked with Carter for several years and that she is a very close friend but that she is mostly the best officer he has ever served with and that he has never been closer to any other officer he has ever worked with. And that, therefore, he knows her very well. She is the strongest person he knows and in all the years he has worked with her, he doesn't remember her _ever_ screaming in pain so that it must have taken a whole lot of torturing to get her there.

He tells them what he thinks might have happened. What he knows has happened to men tortured on Earth and how she was worse off. He tells them about the broken bones, the dislocated joints, the stabbing, the starving, the death – she told them they used the sarcophagus for about a month at the beginning of her captivity. He tells them they probably made her lose all sense of time by not having regular schedules, by having the lights on or off at all times or turning them on and off at random times, by slapping her, punching her, stabbing her, throwing ice cold water on her every time she fell asleep. He tells them about the psychological torture, the sleep deprivation, the sensory deprivation. He tells them about her going completely crazy on her own in the cell where they found her.

And then he explains how they made her scream for a while. They constantly hit her, hurt her, injured her so that she screamed so much her throat was raw and she couldn't speak anymore and that she wouldn't have been able to say the required name or rank anymore. He briefly wonders how many times she said "Major Samantha Carter, United States Air Force." He explains that she must have begged and how they enjoyed it and snarled at her. He explains that they broke Sam into millions of shards and then he explains how they build her back up. They put the jigsaw puzzle back up, purposefully mixing up the pieces so that the picture isn't recognizable anymore.

He says they must have slapped her every time she whimpered, punched her when she moaned, stabbed her when she groaned, broken one of her fingers or dislocated one of her joints when she cried and sobbed, pressed the pain stick to her side when she screamed, used the hand device when that only made her scream louder. He says they did that until she was completely silent and the damage was permanent.

He looks at the faces around the room. They are all as pale as he suspects he is.

'How – how long has she been like this?' Daniel stutters in a voice he can barely hear, let alone recognize.

'A year? Maybe less, maybe more. It depends on how rough they were and how long it took them to make her scream.'

'Is she ever going to speak again?' The question weighs heavily in the air and everyone is uncomfortable. When he answers, he looks straight at McKenzie who has mentioned refusing to let her leave the base until she speaks.

'I don't know. Personally, I hope she will but I don't expect her to. But we need to show her that she's home and safe. And that includes showing her that she is free and that she can move around on her own.'

There is a lot of talk but Jack stops being the protagonist of the discussion. He does not stop listening and feels sick when he hears Hammond, McKenzie and Frasier talk about Sam as if she were no longer a person who could make her own decisions.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey there.

Thanks to all of you who have been very sweet and have reviewed so far. I'm really glad to hear you like this story.

I do have a few things to precise. Firstly, the main reason the chapters are so short is because I knew, if I wrote in my usual style, this story would have been much longer and I have an impressive track record when it comes to leaving stories unfinished but this idea wouldn't leave me alone and I wanted to write it and post it. I purposefully made the chapters short.

Which leads to secondly. The whole story is written and ready but since this isn't my usual style and despite what the Amazing Di-Bee has told me about it, I am very hesitant about it and though I personally like it and am rather proud of it, I'm not sure my readers will which is why I do not post everything at once. I would like to have opinions about what I have written and would like to make sure that you like it. And beyond that, this is whump and it's something I have done before but only to a very limited extend. I have never gone quite this far so that's another thing I want to check with my readers.

So, I am going to continue posting in short chapters because it is how I have written them but since I do take your opinion into account, I am going to try and post every second day. I'm on summer break so I'm kind of losing track of which day it is and I might forget that it's time to post. Forgive me for that. Also, I'll mostly be away from June 25th through July 15th (save for a few days between July 2nd and July 5th) with, no doubt, limited internet access. I'll do what I can but I doubt I'll be able to post much during this period.

Anyway, that's what I wanted to say. Thanks again for the lovely reviews. Here is chapter 5.

Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 5**

Finally, they let her go though it takes them a while. And even then, she is not allowed to leave and live on her own. Partly because she no longer has a house and partly because McKenzie doesn't know a thing. At least, that's Jack's opinion and he will stand by it because he truly thinks that the so called psychologist doesn't understand a thing to what happened. He works with her in the hopes of getting her to talk and doesn't get that it will not work.

He has seen Sam go there reluctantly and come back feeling more depressed and down than she did before. It's not that she doesn't want to talk to a therapist. She does because she has finally understood that they don't think she is crazy. They don't think she has lost it. They just want to help her. So she goes there almost every day but it doesn't help her. It doesn't do her any good and he is secretly convinced that it actually makes her feel worse. She lights up when her team is around and it makes him happy. For the most part because she often slips her hand into his and tangles their fingers. She says physical contact makes her feel safer. He is not one to argue.

When they reach the surface, she refuses to get into his car, eagerly walking towards the exit. He follows her and smiles when he sees the bright grin on her face. She is standing outside, eyes closed, head tipped back. The sun is hitting her paler-than-death face and there is a small breeze playing with the longer strands of her hair. He gets why she feels so good. She has been indoors for over a year and a half. Her body has missed it and Janet has her on vitamin D – along with a good few other meds – to make up for it but Sam has missed it too. Indoors means captivity and she has probably not felt free until she stepped outside. He gets it. He would probably have felt the same way had it been him. And suddenly, he is happier than he has ever been about the large window panes in his house that will make her feel less trapped.

She revels in the feeling of the sun on her face before following him back to his car. When they reach his place, the first thing he tells her is that she should feel at home and that she can do anything she wants. He makes sure nothing remains secret and mysterious to her and keeps teasing her about a surprise he has for her. He knows the prospect of the surprise is the only thing that keeps her from smacking him. She knows what he is doing. He is hovering and treating her with kid gloves but he's pretty sure she knows it's what she needs and she slips her hand into his, gives it a light squeeze and mouths 'thank you' which makes him smile.

Jack knows he's done his job well when he shows her the surprise. A bright grin lights up her face and she untangles their fingers to walk over to the bike and trace her fingers over the leather seat. He hands her the keys and tells her she can use it whenever she wants and if she needs something when he isn't home, at least she is free of her movements. He is not completely sure she has heard him. She is too entranced in her bike which he has kept safely in his garage.

That night, she makes him the happiest man on Earth. She kisses his cheek before heading off to bed. What can he say? He is a simple man. A kiss on the cheek from a traumatised Carter is enough to make him happy. He knows there will be nightmares and sleepless nights but he will content himself with her growing a tiny bit more comfortable around him.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm getting some very, very helpful reviews which give me some really interesting insight. Constructive criticism is really the best and most helpful thing for an author. Thanks a lot to all of you who have reviewed so far. :D

Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 6**

She is on leave and he has been granted three days and the weekend of leave to help her settle in and help her get her bearings. She's started learning sign language. He thinks she doubts she will ever talk again and if he is being honest, he has his doubts too. After all, she gets freaked and all but ducks under the closest piece of furniture when she opens a slightly creaky door – he's oiled all the doors after the first three times. It takes a lot of comforting to get her to calm down again and he thinks her having a means of communication will do her a lot of good. So they've all started learning it because there's no point in her learning if they don't understand her.

They easily settle into a routine.

She wakes up at the same time as he does and they have breakfast together. Three times a week he takes her to base with him so she can go see McKenzie. An SF drives her back home and she goes about her day. She takes sign language classes, gardens – a lot, catches up on the science magazines that Daniel has saved for her, reads a lot of books, cleans the house from top to bottom, watches some movies, catches up on what has been happening at the SGC while she was gone, repairs his toaster, microwave, washing machine, laptop, game boy and TV, continues working on her bike, spends seventy-five percent of her waking time outdoors. Somehow.

At first, SG-1 only goes on easy missions that will ensure he is home at night. Of course, they wouldn't be SG-1 if that never failed and they didn't end up trapped for three or four days in a row. It never helps her and he feels like every time he comes back late, she's pulled back into herself. It takes him a while to understand why exactly but when he gets it, it hits him like a mountain of bricks.

She's scared. She's terrified that they will go through what she did. Every time they don't come home she imagines the worst and thinks them captured by some goa'uld or another, being tortured the way she has been. He asks her about it and when she nods, his heart breaks a little.

'We'll be fine, Sam. We're SG-1.'

_I was too,_ she signs.

Her signing is still a little bit shaky and they all need to focus to understand but they get her. Most of the time. Her words scare him because, for the first time since they got her back, he wonders if she resents them for leaving her behind. He certainly feels guilty and knows he will never forgive himself for not keeping her safe, letting her be caught, not getting her home sooner, safer. She has been so broken, distraught, traumatised since she got home that it never occurred to him that maybe she blames them too.

She hasn't lost her touch. Or maybe he has lost his. She seems to know exactly what he is thinking and she shakes her head. He knows he doesn't look convinced and she inches closer to curl herself against him. He holds her close, rocking her slightly. She's put some weight back on but she's still far from what she used to be and feels frail in his arms.

'You're okay, Sam. We got you back,' he breathes into her hair as he holds her.

She nods and holds on to him. Eventually, she falls asleep and he carries her to bed before walking to his bedroom, realising that she is in a worse state than he had first thought.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

One evening, Jack gets home and she almost gives him a heart attack. Sam is sitting in the back yard, a gun in her hands. She looks like she has been sitting there for a while. She is perfectly still, looking down at the gun. He approaches her very slowly as if expecting her to put the muzzle to her temple and fire if he isn't careful. But he is standing in front of her and she still hasn't moved. He crouches down, trying not to make any sudden moves that could startle her in case she hasn't noticed he is there. He tries hard not to think about Charlie. He pushes the memory of his son to the back of his mind, he can't think about that when a depressed and utterly traumatised Sam is holding a gun in her hands.

She still hasn't moved and he feels his heart beating faster in his chest. Because what scares him is the look in her eyes. In that moment, she doesn't look depressed, upset or in pain. She doesn't look like she can't take it anymore. She looks curious. As if she were wondering what it would be like to press the muzzle to her temple and pull the trigger. She looks like she is discovering a new doohickey and she wants to know what it does.

Sam looks like she doesn't care if she dies and that's what scares him because it's worse than her actually wanting to die. Slowly, very slowly, he curls his hand around hers. She jumps and looks up at him. Apparently she was so entranced that she hadn't seen him even when he crouched down right in front of her. She gives him a small smile which seems so wrong. He tugs the gun out of her hand and he relaxes a little bit when he feels no resistance. He drops the gun and pushes it away before looking back up at her.

And she must have seen the pain and fear in his eyes or she must have realized what she has just done, just thought, because all of a sudden she looks absolutely horrified and he almost thinks she is going to throw up. Her breathing gets fast and shallow and she signs apologies over and over again until his hands cover hers and he pulls her silently sobbing form against him.

Later that night, he is lying in bed, trying not to think about his son because he knows he will have nightmares if he does. Sam has enough nightmares for the two of them; he can't add his own and make her worry about him. It's not what she needs at the moment. Suddenly, the door to his room is pushed open and he recognises Sam's form. She stays in the doorway, clearly hesitant. He motions for her to come in and that's all it takes. She slips in, closes the door behind her and walks over to the bed, slipping under the covers which he has lifted for her. She presses her body against him, rests her head on his shoulder, presses her face against the crook of his neck, circles her arm around his waist, tightening her hold just a little bit when his arms settle around her body to pull her close. They're both asleep within instants and they both sleep better than they have in a while.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

About a month after she is allowed to go home she puts down her foot and declares she will not go to any more therapy sessions unless they find her someone who will actually be able to help her and will not make her feel horrible. Hammond talks to her – via Daniel who has been assigned as her interpreter – and McKenzie tries to make Hammond believe that she cannot make such decisions in her state. That seems to be what convinces Hammond to get her what she wants. Jack thinks it's a good thing she expresses what she wants and doesn't give him a choice. Maybe the psychologist hasn't helped her but something has been done and she is slowly coming back to them. He is glad that she is taking her life into her own hands and wants to get better.

Proudly, she hands him a list of names of psychologists whom she has researched and who have experience with soldiers who have been tortured into silence. One of the names is highlighted in yellow and underlined in red. Three times. Hammond gets him to the SGC. The man is completely shocked but once that passes, he takes it all in stride. When he meets Sam in Hammond's office, he looks at her for a few seconds before offering a small smile and nodding.

'You're the one who got me here, aren't you?' He simply asks. Sam smiles and nods.

The sessions continue at the same rhythm. She goes three times a week first thing in the morning. She's almost eager to go and Jack gets the feeling that Dr. Lawrence really helps her and that she likes him for that. She smiles just a little brighter on mornings she has therapy as if the simple thought of going there and coming out a little bit better helps her. She still doesn't talk. She still doesn't make a sound but she is more relaxed. She doesn't look like she could break at any moment anymore. She no longer looks like a permanently frightened animal.

When the whole team is gathered, she is more comfortable and she doesn't touch them out of need for safety anymore. When she rests her head on Daniel or Teal'c's shoulder, it's because she wants to and not because she needs to feel they are real. When she touches Janet's arm it not because she is starting to panic and she needs to hear her friend's gentle and soothing voice. When she curls against him it's not because she needs him to hold her close and keep her safe; it's because she wants to be in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey there,

I'm leaving for a holiday tomorrow and the hotel in which I will be staying does not have free wifi. I'll probably have access every now and then but I can't guarantee the regularity of my posts for the coming week. I'll try to post as often as possible but, please, forgive me if the chapters don't come as quickly as they did for the past week. :)

Thanks a lot for all the very nice reviews. Keep them coming. They make me very happy. :D

Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 9**

He doesn't know what they are. She is still living with him but he doesn't know if it's out of obligation or because she wants to. No one has said anything about her living on her own and he doesn't think she has asked about it. Jack hasn't but he is happy either way. He likes the company and he gets the feeling that she does too. She still sleeps in her bedroom though every now and then she slips into his in the middle of the night. He holds her tight and they finish the night together.

They hug more often too. SG-1 has resumed the normal missions and he's often gone for longer spans of time so she is often alone and they don't see each other as much. So when he is home – gets home on time – they have a quiet evening and they often end up on the couch with his arm resting on the back of the couch behind her shoulders and with her head on his shoulder. Sometimes the night ends with the both of them curled up on the couch, their arms around each other. In the morning, he greets her with a kiss on the cheek and she never fails to answer with a bright grin that makes his heart miss a beat or five. When he gets home after several days off world, he pulls her in for a brief hug and presses a kiss to her forehead.

He doesn't think it constitutes a relationship. He hasn't kissed her or tried anything. He doesn't think she was raped. She says she wasn't and Janet says she wasn't either but they have no idea what happened before she was put in the sarcophagus. He doesn't push her and is happy to notice that she is less jumpy when he touches her out of the blue and she initiates more touches.

One Saturday morning, he comes home after a week off world. He is four days overdue but they have all come out relatively unscathed. He has a few bruises and bumps, four stitches on his forehead but he is otherwise fine. He enters the house, walking to the kitchen to get himself a beer. It doesn't matter that it's 0800. He takes a long gulp, toes off his shoes and slips out of his jacket. He leaves those in the kitchen, knowing that Sam will be annoyed but he hopes she will be happy to see him safe and that it will make her less angry. Beer in hand, he makes his way towards the bathroom and stops dead in his tracks when the door opens and out comes a mostly naked Sam. Her hair and skin are wet and the only thing she is wearing is a very flimsy little towel that barely covers her.

She freezes and looks shocked and maybe a little scared. He tries not to let his eyes roam over her body but she is a beautiful and very desirable woman and he is a man who has been attracted to her for a very, very long time. When their eyes meet, she is so embarrassed she looks like she could burst into tears. It surprises him but he understands quickly when he remembers that her clothes since she got back have been pretty conservative. They are a bit baggy but that's because of the weight she has lost. She is working on that. They are always pants and long sleeves.

She doesn't think she is beautiful anymore and now that her legs, the top of her chest and arms are in full view, she thinks he will find her disgusting. He notices the scars that have faded a bit since they got her back but they will never disappear. Their eyes remain locked for a few long moments of awkward and uncomfortable silence.

Finally, he walks over and she shies away a little bit but he leans in and kisses her temple, allowing his lips to linger.

'You're beautiful,' he whispers against her skin and he feels her relax a bit. He pulls back and smiles down at her. 'You done in there?' He asks motioning for the bathroom. She nods. 'Okay. I need a hot shower and sleep,' he mumbles as he walks into the bathroom and softly closes the door behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

I'm back (baby!) Sorry about that; Sanctuary kind of doomed that sentence for me. Just like many others. Anyway, I'm back for a few days. But I will post one chapter each day until I leave again (soon) because I have made you wait and because I might have to make you wait again.

Thanks a lot for all your reviews so far. I really appreciate them. Keep on letting me know what you think about this story.

Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 10 **

Eventually, she is allowed to get back to work. She has been on leave for nearly three months and is doing much better. She has received her honourable discharge a few days earlier and is feeling down and Hammond has followed Lawrence's advice to let her come back as a scientist so she can feel useful and to make the brunt of the discharge less violent and depressing. He hires an assistant who signs and who will be her translator.

On her first morning, she is hesitant and worried and they are about to step through the front door when he notices her fidgeting and how worried she looks. He closes the door and turns to face her. She looks up at him with big blue eyes. He leans down and pecks her lips once, which surprises him as much as it surprises her but he doesn't say anything.

'You'll do great,' he promises. 'We've missed you. It'll be good to have you around and know you have our backs.' She grins brightly and steps closer and into his arms. She tucks her head under his chin and they hold each other for a few instants before she steps back.

He sees her at lunch. Daniel has dragged her out of her lab – old habits clearly come back quickly – and to the commissary so they can resume the SG-1 tradition. The smile on her face when she realises they still consider her as part of SG-1 is enough to light up the base for a week.

He doesn't realise just how well she has settled back in until the briefing at 1600 for SG-1's mission the next day. She shows up to explain... stuff. Her assistant tags along and translates as she signs. She looks happy and relaxed and it's then that Jack understands that she knows words in sign language that he doesn't know in English.

That evening, he has to drag her out of her lab again. Her assistant is already gone. She is about as happy as she was worried that morning and when they get home, he can't resist pulling her into his arms. They stand in the kitchen for a long time, wrapped around each other. She's warm and soft and he holds her as close as possible. She rests her head on his shoulder. He can feel her breath on the skin of his neck, he can smell the scent of her shampoo, wafting up from her hair and he really, really doesn't want to let her go. Apparently she doesn't either because, when he moves to pull back, she tightens her arms around him.

Eventually, he does pull back but only to lean down and press his lips against hers. Her lips are soft, warm and sweet and all too pliant under his. And when they part to allow his tongue access, he knows he can die a happy man because he is kissing Samantha Carter and she is a willing participant.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

They don't talk about their relationship or whatever it is that they have; they just let it grow naturally. They don't talk about it to their friends either but, when not on base, they don't exactly hide it either and he wouldn't be surprised if they suspected or knew about them though he's pretty sure Daniel would have grilled him about it already if he had suspicions.

She has probably told Dr. Lawrence because she still sees him twice a week and he knows he helps her a lot. Sometimes she speaks about the sessions and he's gone with her a few times, when she asked him to come with or when the doc suggests he can tag along if they both feel comfortable with it. He understands why she likes him. He's calm and soothing and he has found a way to do his psychothing while making her be the one to set the rhythm and to guide her progress. He has made her understand that she doesn't need to be ashamed and that she shouldn't let anyone try and force her into anything. Clearly he knows how to deal with people in Sam's situation and she appreciates that very much.

The psychologist has made it clear that Sam is ready to live on her own but she hasn't shown any indication that she will follow through. She keeps on sleeping in her bedroom, occasionally joining him in his bed. Until it becomes less occasional and more regular. It doesn't take long before they share his bed every night though he has to tell her that his bed is hers after he finds her in her own bed one night he wasn't supposed to come home.

They rarely go out but they have a good thing going. They're comfortable with one another and he finds out more about her than he could have imagined. Their relationship is all about calm and comfort, ease and familiarity. Their kisses are slow, sensual and soothing, their touches soft, warm and easy. He doesn't remember ever being with a woman for so long and not having sex but he has a feeling it's bit of a touchy subject for more than a few reasons and he is happy to wait and just hold her and kiss her because he loves her and all he wants is to be with her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

They invite the guys, Cassie and Janet over for a quiet evening outside. After dinner, Sam curls herself into his side and his arm circles her shoulders to pull her in and, naturally, he drops a kiss to the top of her head and it's only when he looks up that he remembers they are not alone. Sam doesn't seem to have noticed their faces which is highly unlikely. Since she came back, she has become super aware and there doesn't seem to be anything she doesn't notice. He supposes it's because she is not over her captivity and wants to be prepared for anything and because she doesn't speak and that gives her the time to take in things that nobody else notices.

'So, are you guys together?' Daniel asks.

'Yes,' Jack answers and his not trying to hiding it seems to startle Daniel.

'How long?'

'About four months.'

'And you didn't tell us?'

'We didn't exactly hide it either.'

'Yes, you did.'

'No, they didn't,' Janet states.

Despite her having been back for over seven months, Jack expects Sam to giggle and he suddenly realises that he misses her giggles. He pulls her just a little bit closer and she looks at him, concerned. He pecks her lips and smiles at her. She doesn't seem convinced but she doesn't push it and settles back down against him. As they often do, when their friends leave, they immediately get ready for sleep. She's sitting on the side of the bed when he gets out of the bathroom and he can see that she's still bothered.

_What's wrong?_ Sam signs with practiced ease.

'Nothing.' She raises an eyebrow and that's enough to make him understand that she doesn't buy it. He sits down next to her and looks down at his hands. _I miss you_,he signs, feeling her confusion.

_What do you mean? _He slips his hand into hers and holds it in his lap, caressing her knuckles.

'I love your voice and your laugh and your giggles,' he whispers, looking up at her. Unsurprisingly, she's shocked but he doesn't think he's hurt her. 'I miss that. I know it's not your fault and I don't blame you. It just hit me tonight that I miss your giggles.'

She nods and slips her hand out of his before moving to straddle him, grabbing his face and pressing her lips to his. The kiss is long and passionate and he lets her push him back on the bed. His arms circle her body and he holds her tight. If her point is that, for the moment, they've traded giggles for kisses, he's happy to confirm that he doesn't miss her giggles all that much anymore. Or maybe she just doesn't know what to say and wants to distract him. It works.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey. :)

Leaving for the airport in just a few minutes. I don't know when I'll be able to update next but I will try to do so as soon as possible. In the mean time, let me know what you think. :D

Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 13**

Sometimes, she speaks about her captivity, the torture, the pain, the horror, the fear. He suspects Lawrence hears about it even more than he does and he is probably the one who suggested she talk about it and not keep it all to herself. He is pretty sure the psychologist stated it would help them both. He's probably right too though most of the time, when Jack has rocked Sam to sleep after a confession or after she has fallen asleep in bed, he heads to the bathroom and throws up. Because of the memories of his own months of torture and because he imagines what she has gone through. He usually heads straight to bed afterwards, spoons up to her and holds her as close as humanly possible for the rest of the night, holding her, shushing her, comforting her when the eventual and inevitable nightmares hit.

The descriptions are either very vague or painfully detailed moments and he's starting to get a very good idea of exactly how much they tortured her and how horrible her time was. The time line is blurry and he doesn't exactly know what happened when because she lost track of time very quickly.

If he's right, for about a month, they took pleasure in torturing her all day long before finally killing her at the end of the day, sticking her in the sarcophagus for the night and starting over again in the morning. When she became addicted to the sarcophagus, they stopped killing her, simply binding her wrists and ankles, blindfolding her, gagging her and throwing her in a filthy cell for the night. Sometimes, they fed her and gave her some muddy water. And they started constantly torturing her along with a healthy amount of sleep depriving her and starving her.

She thinks it took about six broken ribs, five dislocated fingers, three dislocated joints, one broken tibia, one broken arm, sixteen hits with the pain stick and eight with the hand device, concussions over concussions over concussions, before she finally broke and screamed. She's not completely sure she's got the count right and she says she was in a haze of pain, confusion and fear afterwards so she lost count.

For several weeks, they took pleasure in hearing her screams and made sure she was properly broken before they started the reverse process. He thinks it probably took them about four to six months to shut her up completely so he suspects, he the time they got her back home, she had been silent for about a year. And every single time he remembers that fact, he loses the hope that she will ever speak again.


	14. Chapter 14

Hey there.

In a café, taking some time to check my emails and stuff like that. And to post this chapter. No idea when I'll be on next. Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I hope you will like this.

Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 14**

When they finally make love, he doesn't want to make a big deal of it but he fails miserably. They're already in bed and there's been some heavy petting and making out. That's not new. What's new is that her shirt is gone and she is down to only her panties. He is only wearing his boxer shorts but she's already seen him like that quite often. What's new is her hand snaking inside the boxers. He gasps and his hand curls over hers.

'Sam,' he breathes against her lips, 'if we start, I won't be able to stop. Are you sure?'

She nods and the look in her eyes confirms that she's fine. He kisses her and slips his hand down her back and under the back of her underwear, over the soft and warm skin of her butt. Soon, they get rid of the last of their clothing but Jack feels Sam tense as he pulls back to look down at her. He frowns before remembering it's the first time he's seen her completely naked. He's touched her and he's pretty sure he could place every one of her scars but this is different. His hands trace her sides, abdomen and chest as he admires her body. She seems to relax a bit and he leans down to press his lips to hers again.

'You're beautiful, Sam. So, so beautiful. I don't ever want you to doubt that.'

He kisses her whole body, pressing his lips to her scars, caressing them gently and showing her that he doesn't care about them. Her hands on his body grow more confident and he is happy to let her take over for a bit. She's explored his body before and she has gotten better and better at it so that she knows exactly what to do and where to touch him to make him a very happy man.

When he finally slips inside her, he thinks they are going to spontaneously combust. Their love making is slow and passionate until he pushes into her with a particularly long and well placed stroke and she lets out a gasp. And freezes. He can feel her tense. She is about to pull away from him and run when he realises that he has to do something or she will slip away from him and the long months of hard work and therapy will have been for nothing. He rolls them over so she is on top and will feel less trapped. His hands roam over her back and he kisses her warmly, feeling her relax a bit under his touch.

'I love you,' he whispers against her lips. She pulls away and their eyes meet. The shock in the blue orbs makes him realise what he has said. 'I love you, Sam,' he repeats.

Even if saying it wasn't part of the plan, much less while they are making love for the first time, he can't pull back now. Sam relaxes and drops her head to his shoulder. She feels boneless on top of him and he strokes her back for a while, kissing the side of her head to comfort her. He waits for a while, giving her time and he is almost surprised when she suddenly starts moving again.

He manages to coax three more gasps out of her and she barely tenses after the third one. Every time, he whispers the three little words in her ear and feels her smile against his neck. He presses his lips to hers when he feels her getting closer and swallows her cry of pleasure.

Later, they're resting in each other's arm, limbs tangled and Jack caresses Sam's back. She is already asleep. As he kisses the top of her head, he grins at how big a step in the right direction she has just taken.


	15. Chapter 15

Hey.

I'm back! Only 5 chapters left after this one. I hope you will like it. Let me know. :)

Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 15**

It makes a small difference but it's not nearly as much as he has hoped for and he can see that Sam is worried about his expectations. So, one evening, he sits her down and tells her that he doesn't care if she doesn't speak, that he only cares about her, that he just wants her to be happy and that he will stand by her no matter what. She leans forward and slips her arms around his neck. He holds her until she pulls away and presses a small kiss to his lips.

_Thank you,_ she signs. _I love you. _

He signs it back because he knows it will mean a lot to her.

She still doesn't speak and though sounds are still minimal, he thinks she isn't quite as silent as she was at first. Maybe his ears have become used to having a silent person around and he is more attentive to the tiny and barely identifiable sounds or maybe she has actually started making more noise. Her gasps and low cries when they make love are the sweetest sounds to his ears and when she finally stops tensing, he is happier than he has been in a while.

Exactly one year and four days after they get her back, he returns late from a mission. His wrist is in a splint, he's got scratches all over his body and his knee is slightly worse for wear. Sam refuses to see him until they get home. When they do, she slaps him. Then kisses him and makes love to him like no woman ever has before. When he asks her about it, her explanation is long and he has to ask her to start over again because he is not nearly as good as she is at signing and her hands are going too fast for him to follow.

She tells him about his having to be back from the mission exactly a year after they got her back from her own captivity and that, when he didn't show, she freaked out and thought the worst; that he was taken or killed and that fate decided to screw with her and take him from her on that day and when she was finally making some progress and they were happier than ever.

When he gets it, he feels horrible for having scared her so much. And falls in love all over again. And asks her to marry him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 **

One morning, shortly after their anniversary, he wakes up to Sam's nose pressed against his cheek, her lips against his ear and what he thinks might be her whispering 'I love you.' At first, he thinks he is still dreaming until he remembers how low her voice was – no more than a breath. The only word he actually heard is 'love'. He also registers the way her throat caught mid word and how hesitant she sounded. She moves in a way she never does when asleep. Her hand is gently caressing his abdomen and her toe keeps poking his shin lightly.

It's then that he realises exactly what it means. She is trying and succeeding. Certainly, she thought he was sleeping but it's a start and he likes how she wants to start speaking, what the first thing she says is. He stays perfectly still for a while longer though he suspects she knows he is awake. She knows him as well as he knows her and there is no way he has slipped this past her. But she doesn't give any indication of that. She continues her light caress and moves her head just a little bit until her forehead is pressed against his cheek. Before he realises it, he has moved a hand to cover hers.

'I love you too,' he whispers. She pulls back and looks at him with wide eyes.

_You heard?_ He nods and leans in to kiss her once. _Is this the first time you heard?_ He frowns.

'You've said it before?'

_I've tried. I've been trying for a while._

'And?'

_I can't._

She moves back against him and presses herself against his body. He turns to pull her close and feels her starting to shake.

For the first time since she got back, she really cries for the loss of her voice, the loss of her ability to express her emotions and tell the world about them, tell people that she loves them. Her silent sobs are still disturbing and, as he tightens his arms around her, he finds himself thinking that it is ironic that her silent sobs are one of the reasons she is crying in the first place.

He doesn't think she's given up. Carters never give up. But she too has probably come to the realisation that she might not ever be able to speak again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 **

There's a newfound serenity about her after that morning. She still tries to progress and speak; that much is clear. But her failures don't bring her down as much and she accepts her fate more easily. Samantha Carter is not one to lose, much less give up a fight so she only puts more effort into teaching him sign language. It's become her language in the past year and she has perfected it but there is no point in her communicating so well if the recipients don't understand.

So she teaches them.

Cassie has become very good, very quickly and makes fun of them. Daniel pokes his tongue out at her and mumbles something about speaking twenty-three other languages. Janet often starts girl talk with either Sam or Cassie. Teal'c raises his eyebrow at the recurring exchanges. Jack shows off his abilities which make Daniel and Cassie exclaim that he's out of the competition because he gets private classes. Which he does.

There's turning point in her progress. She is trying to teach him how to say some sentence or another which, clearly, he is doing wrong because Sam stands up, walks over to him and stands with one leg each side of his. Her hands are over his and she is trying to make his hands and arms do the right moves.

But he is much more interested in her breasts which are right there in front of his eyes. Obviously she is aware of the distraction and every time he tries to move his hands towards the blue clad Promised Land, her smile brightens and she playfully slaps the back of his hands, trying to make him focus on what she is trying to teach him. But, really, how does she expect him to focus when she is standing there, just a few inches from him, her breasts snug in the tight shirt that leaves no doubt as to how beautiful and perfect her curves are? He manages to slip his hand out of hers and slips his arms around her waist to pull her in and press his face against her warm and soft chest. He lets out a satisfied purr – not that he would ever admit. Not even to her. He'll just deny it if she ever mentions it though they will both know it's true.

And that's when he hears it. That sound. The one he has missed for so long. Her giggle. It's short and low and he would have missed it if ears weren't attuned to the slightest sounds coming from her. He looks up, surprised but unbelievably happy, his chin resting on her chest, his arms tight around her body.

She's shocked. She looks a bit paler than she did a few minutes earlier, her eyes are wide, her lips are parted and she looks a bit like a fish out of the water. Shock quickly turns into something that Jack recognizes as being fear and he knows he has to act quickly or she is going to run. So he grins brightly at her and pecks the bit of skin right above the V of her collar. And suddenly, she smiles that bright grin of full on happiness.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 **

It doesn't remain a one time thing. Sometimes, she giggles. It's still the low and short sound that is nothing like what they used to know but it's something. And every time he hears it, his heart swells with pride and happiness at the progress she has made since they got her back. The first time she giggles at a team night there is a long moment of silence before she is smothered in hugs.

Jack and Sam share a look and a nod and once their friends have calmed down a bit, Sam curls herself against him and he tells them they are going to get married. Cassie and Janet have to be physically restrained when Jack tells them he proposed well over five months earlier. Apparently they do not like the fact that Sam did not immediately tell them. The mischievous grin on her face when she shows them the ring and explains that they got it together that morning and that she has been waiting for that to tell them is enough to calm down the furies though Daniel still looks worried and stays as far away from the two Frasier women as he can.

The truth is, when he proposed, she said yes but asked for some time because she wasn't ready to tell people and get married. It wasn't until earlier that week that she mentioned the proposal again and teasingly asked where her ring was.

The ladies awe at the ring. It's simple and discreet but elegant and classy and has Sam written all over it from the small blue topaz and two tiny diamonds to the delicate floral interlacing on the white gold band. Topaz just so happens to be her birthstone but that's a happy coincidence and neither really cares about it. The interlacing reminds him of the headboard she used to have on her bed and she loves flowers and spends a lot of her free time gardening. It's rather small and won't get in the way even though he knows she'll take it off anytime she gardens or does handy work. It's perfect for her. They've both fallen in love with it and he's caught Sam staring at it with a dreamy smile on her face a good number of times since they bought it. He's the one who saw it first at the jewellery store and he's known since the instant he saw it that it's the ring she will be wearing for the rest of her life.

As Jack and the two guys make their way to the kitchen to clean up a bit and get more drinks, they hear the women giggle and his eyes briefly meet Sam's. Her blue eyes – almost the same colour as the topaz on her ring – are twinkling and there are beautiful little wrinkles around them when she smiles. And he knows she is happier than she has been in a long time.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Sam works on saying small words. He knows she does and he knows he is her lab rat because she tries to whisper them in his ear when he is asleep. Or when she thinks he is asleep. She rarely succeeds and he always wants to turn around and pull her into his arms but he knows she gains confidence in thinking he is asleep and can't hear her. He knows she will probably break down again if he tries to comfort her.

She only sees Lawrence once a week and he knows that he is trying to help her start speaking again. He suspects it's mostly because she asks and because he knows the best ways for her not to be afraid. But it's exhausting and the session has been moved to the end of the day so the only thing she has to do when she gets home is brush her teeth and drop on the bed.

Janet and Cassie are helping her. At least, they help lift her spirits by taking her shopping and being very girly which surprises Jack at first. He would not have thought Sam would like being girly but, apparently, it only depends on the company – the best friend and Cassandra are prime company – and the fact that said company knows how to keep her happy and to make sacrifices.

Happy Carter and sacrifices involve letting her loose in the hardware store which sounds a lot more like her and which explains why she has been tinkering around in the garage so much. He's pretty sure she's been working on his truck along with her bike but the thing still works and she's Carter so he doesn't really mind. If he asks, she'll probably go into a lengthy explanation about what she has done and how she has done it. Eventually, he will stop her and ask her to break it down into simple, English words for him. And she'll make everything clear and he'll realise that his truck has been working better and he'll understand why.

Happy Carter also involves finding friends of Janet's or Cassie's who have computer trouble and would very much like someone to help them out. Apparently, Sam does it for free. She says it's fun and it helps someone out so it's a win-win situation.

Sometimes he wonders how it's possible that he is engaged to her but then he sees her at the shooting range and meets her at the gym for their weekly workout session and he remembers what he loves about her. He sees her fighting to get back from the trauma and he recognizes the courage and strength that had drawn him to her and amazed him all those times. He watches her working on her newest alien toy and he remembers the passion in her that made him fall in love in the first place.

They are curled up on the couch, watching the _Simpsons _or a hockey game and though she's not really a fan of either, she rests against him, playfully tugging the beer out of his hand to take a sip of her own, smiling indulgently when he cheers for his team, comfortingly kissing his jaw or neck when the enemy wins and he remembers that she loves him back and that, sometimes, she probably wonders why too but that it doesn't matter because she's got his ring on her finger and she sleeps in his bed, in his arms at night.


	20. Chapter 20

Final chapter. I might have an idea for an epilogue but whether I write it or not depends on your response to this final piece. Thank you for sticking with me all along and thank you for all the lovely and amazing reviews you have sent me.

**Chapter 20**

On their wedding day, Jack is more stressed than he had ever been and Sam makes him the most beautiful present. A tear slips down her cheek when he says his vows. She signs her own and he notices that a lot of the words and sentences she has taught him in the past few weeks or made sure he knew. Sneaky little thing. She grins mischievously when she catches his eye and notices he's caught her trick. She's just smart like that.

But it's not the only thing she has got up her sleeve because, when the minister asks her if she takes him as her husband, she looks him straight in the eye, takes a deep breath and says 'I do' in a low and soft but confident and strong voice that he has no doubt everybody heard. When he realises what has just happened, she grins brightly and he is about to swoop her up into a hug but she shakes her head lightly and he remembers that he's not supposed to kiss her until told so which he thinks is ridiculous because he's already kissed her a good number of times before their wedding.

The whisper has still not quieted down amongst the people sitting behind them and they both turn around to look at them and silently ask them the shut the hell up. The ceremony continues but Jack only registers her slipping the plain silver band on his finger, his slipping the thinner and smaller but matching band on her finger and dipping her as he presses his lips to hers. There are wolf whistles, ecstatic shouts and clapping but he doesn't take notice. All he knows is that Sam is his wife and she is so utterly beautiful that he doesn't know how he has stayed on his feet during the ceremony. And she has spoken. He's pretty sure it's taken her weeks, months to say those three letters and he knows he will ambush Lawrence at the first occasion and thank him profusely but none of that matters. He, Jack O'Neill, is married to Samantha Carter.

She is congratulated by every single person in the room and Lawrence hugs her particularly long. It makes Jack happy because it confirms that all the work she has been doing and which has made her so tired has not been for nothing and has been for this very special occasion.

As he holds his new wife for the dance, he knows that, despite everything, he is as happy as he can be and if the grin on her face is any indication, she feels the same way.


End file.
